Roxanne Palour Review

Review By Michelle Smart

Coverlid Place lies down a dodgy street of China town where the neon red lights flash. You may walk pass this place and see the long trail of people. They are not hanging around for a peep show, although that is at the end of Coverlid Place. At the start, however, is Roxanne Parlour. Grabbing a guest list before hand doesn’t mean you get first preference. You may find yourself exposed to a rather rich entry fee, depending on the night; you’ll find she is a fickle mistress. But who knows, the Roxanne Parlour might offer you something you have never experienced before. “Roxanne, you don’t have to wear that dress tonight. Roxanne!”

The Roxanne Parlour will leave you guessing if they really did plan the decor around this theme song. At first seems like any typical lady of the red district. While riding up a tiny elevator with a few strangers, the decor hits you like a sexy blond with luscious lips and that tight red dress.

The Roxanne Parlour is an enormous level with three major rooms; the RnB room you may find closed even on a Saturday night. You will find the parlour room is the smallest. Its leather couches, chandeliers and mini bar with service suggests class. The main room – despite its massive size – eludes mystery and privacy with dim lighting. Scarlet lanterns and cherry lights set of the red light district theme. Disco balls hang in the centre of the major dance room. Some very pretty red rose decorations highlight the blackboard with specials… and Bam! The drinks! Cheap $5 shots, El Guapo, Verga, Chupa and Wet Pussy’s. Wait, there’s more razzle dazzle: $6 beers, $5 champagnes and $9 spirit mixes. Tossing them back really has you wanting to cuddle your wallet with glee.

But spend a little time with the lady called Roxanne and the makeup starts to slide off, revealing the weathered face and wrinkles beneath. You may wonder why the drinks are so cheap at the Roxanne Parlour. It’s simple: supply and demand. You will find Uni students, who have probably fished for loose coins in their couch and some just on the verge of their alcoholic virginity, with tastebuds too pure to recognise quality. While the atmosphere is pumping you may be distracted by the crowd. You may not realise shots are premade and sugar sweet. The posters displaying the latest DJ’s must hide problems in the venue because I guarantee for as many drinks as you have that night, you are guaranteed to see just as many posters.

The un-air-conditioned club would be perfect on a winter’s night as the chills sets in. Don’t let me tell you about the toilets though, because we all know what happens when you mix heat and gas. If you’re anything like me, you would light a match just to see what happens.

However I must admit, once the makeup is all but gone you find Roxanne Parlour is really about her personality instead of her beauty. The music is free and random like Roxanne in one of her moods, and live music or DJ’s can appear when she wants company. In the parlour room, if you’re lucky you can draw on the leather couches with neon pens or just watch your mates teeth glow white. You can try and steal the DJ’s lava lamp. You can slide shots along the tiled red bar in the main room or catch the fake attempt at stars in the smokers room. Whatever the experience, Roxanne Parlour has a unique personality you’re not likely to forget.




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A 2nd Roxanne Parlour Review

Review By Sophie Lane

The only reason Roxanne Parlour ever made its way into my night life radar was with a push and a shove of the Dread Locked Dud I was wasting my time with way back when. Fortunately, the bar itself was anything but a waste of time. All retarded relationships are worth something, right? Or perhaps I’m one of the lucky few? My tainted pick up past led me to Roxanne Parlour, where the lights are low and the skanks are merry. But there’s a little something about this venue that made me wanting more, and it wasn’t Mr. Arsehole.

In skiting my “girl power” glee, it isn’t all fist pumps and white platforms a la Spice Girls. It did indeed take a little hard work and a spoonful of Sambuca to find myself a Roxanne fan. The venue is one of the most well hidden in Melbourne, and regardless of your intoxication (or the ability of your dim witted taxi driver) the venue will take a first timer anywhere between forty five minutes to an hour to locate. Of course, it doesn’t help when one bottle of champagne down you’re pronouncing Coverlid Place as Clover Place to your taxi driver. “Clover! Like leprechauns!”

Upon lining up and gaining entry to the venue, the foyer of what seems to be a rundown warehouse displays a lift. If you’re one of the many mini skirted girls, which occupy this venue, following the leader shouldn’t prove too difficult. A few floors up and welcome to Roxanne’s Parlour.

The architecture is suffocating, which isn’t necessarily a downfall. Dim lighting means it’s all for one and one for all in a drunken stumble of hip grinding (no embarrassment guaranteed).

The dance floor is relatively open and spacious considering the remaining size of the venue. The ratio of dance floor to sitting area is illustrative of the regular Roxanne ravers. Demographic displays the young and energetic but with a touch of something more sinister. It’s no wonder the smoker’s room and dance floor are forever occupied.The roofless smoker’s room is cosy, and if you’re the drag along biddy for the chugga chimney ride, I issue caution. The age old ‘packed sardines’ analogy won’t even cut it. Two words; Packed Sardines. The smoked variety.

Drink prices are surprisingly below the standard Melbourne price. Combine this with fast bang-down service and the positives of punch definitely out way the smoker salmon to your left.

Roxanne’s Parlour provides an underground club experience with a whole lot less hipster and a whole lot more skanky. If you’re looking for distinctiveness and don’t mind compromising on class, then Roxanne’s Parlour is the one for you. Oh and if you’re looking for an arsehole, and don’t mind compromising on class, then I can also recommend Dread Locked Dud too.

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